My mind seems to keep playing a continuous loop of the things I found the other day. It's not like there was anything I didn't know, it just makes it more real. I suppose I should take the opportunity to work hard at forgiving, but I am immature and don't want to.
I wonder how long I will continue to have to deal with this dual life of sorts. Ugh, I hate it.
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Thanks for your comment on my blog. It seems we can relate to a lot of one another's struggles. I also came across some of the pornography that my husband had been viewing a few months after I found out about everything. Although I had known about the problem, it was much more real and devastating when the graphic images were before my eyes. There were perversions and dark things that I would never want to attempt to convey. I called my mother-in-law in need for support and just cried. We talked for a long time and decided that I couldn't handle this burden and needed to give it to the Lord. I don't know how much you have read about the 12 Steps or if you attend an S-Anon group, but the concept of "surrendering" is crucial to both programs. I got down on my knees and told the Lord that I couldn't handle it and He took it from me. It was that simple in that instance. It hasn't always been that simple, but maybe you can find some strength in trying to surrender this burden to the Lord, rather than trying to bear it alone. I'm definitely not good at this very often, but it has helped me several times. I hurt for your struggle and hope you find some peace.
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